Dealing with the issue of abortion and taking hands with woman that have had an abortion, we help in standing hand in hand with these woman restoring there relationship with Jesus Christ and knowing the hart of the father

A abortion story finding rest in Jesus Christ

An Abortion Story, I was 25 years old, recently divorced from my high school sweetheart. I was heartbroken, longing to be loved by someone and felt desperately lonely. My ex husband never wanted children while I used to wrap our cocker spaniel in a blanket and carried him around like a baby. I use to pray that my husband would be saved and that we would have a happy and full life together. After the divorce I became bitter and very angry with God - angry that He didn't save my marriage, angry that my husband left for someone else, angry that I wasted eight years of my life with someone who was wrong for me from the start. I stopped going to church, stopped praying and reading my bible and cut all ties with church friends and acquaintances. I started to live a life filled with one bad choice after the next. Drinking, clubbing, smoking, recreational drugs and one nights tands was my new normal. With every "new guy" I became a bit colder and my heart became harder. I started believing that I was using them and it gave me some sort of satisfaction that I could be cold and leave a "relationship" whenever I felt like it. Until one day a guy came along who was different from the others. We connected on a deeper level and I fell in love again. Three months into our relationship I was holding a positive home pregnancy test in my hand. This couldn't be, I was careful. A blood test confirmed it and I had to tell him. What would this do to our relationship? For the first time in a very long time, I was happy and had hope for a future with this great guy. Now, I would ruin it all with two words - I'm pregnant! He did not take the news well, but better than I had anticipated. He said that he would stand by me whatever my choice would be, but added that it was not a good time in his life for such a responsibility and he offered to pay for an abortion. I was confused and so torn between the easy way out and that child that I had been dreaming about years before. I spoke to five other people and asked what they would do if they were in my shoes, only one person said that an abortion is a bad idea, she even offered to adopt the child from me...only years after the abortion did I wish I had taken her up on that offer. So I booked the abortion procedure at a Marie Stopes "family planning clinic". I was very nervous and troubled that day. I asked a friend to drive me there and to stay with me after the procedure. I remember being called into a counseling room where a lady asked me a couple of questions about my decision and gave me some paperwork to sign. I was given a pill to drink to relax me and sent into an operating room. I was given a hospital gown to wear and told to get onto the bed and to place my legs in the stirrups. The doctor entered the room with an assistant and proceeded to do an ultrasound scan to locate the fetus. The monitor was turned away from me but I remember at that stage that I was having second thoughts...could I stop all of this now? I didn't, instead I lay there paralyzed by my own fearful thoughts...I cannot raise a child alone...yes he said he would support me, but would he feel suffocated and trapped? I lay there while my child was being sucked out of my womb by a machine. When it was done the doctor showed the assistant the remains of my dead child in a dish and said..." see there it is, it looks like a little sea horse". They left the room and I remember an overwhelming realization flooding into my being...I am not pregnant anymore...what have I done. I started sobbing... I managed to convince myself in the following weeks that it was all for the best and life goes on. Life did go on but it was always as if I had a great big gushing, gaping wound in my heart. I became very depressed, even though I was now living with this great guy that I truly loved. My awake life was a repeating roller coaster of waking up depressed and working my way to the next pain fighting drink - what a great depression antidote. I was a full blown alcoholic now. Not working and some days already drunk by 10am. This amazing guy stuck by me, took care of me. We got married and decided to move 2000km away from everything and everyone we knew. But new surroundings and new people will only occupy your mind for so long...I learned that you cannot run away from yourself and your own bad choices. God, in all His mercy and goodness stretched out His loving hands to me and lifted me out of my own misery. I was watching tv one morning and flipped over onto a Christian channel where a pastor with the deepest blue shining eyes preached the gospel message, and I ran home, home to Daddy. My husband followed and our journey to healing began. The road was difficult and painful, but God forgives and heals. Nothing that we as human beings do is too awful or horrible for Him to forgive. We now have a beautiful daughter and I long for the day when I will embrace my first child in heaven and to say how sorry I am that I made the wrong decision. You too can find forgiveness, healing and peace. Michelle.

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